Simply Human

This Chaotic Little Thing Called Life

What are the times in your life when you truly felt alive?

Do you remember the movies we watched as children, where everything was possible? Witches were real, and unicorns and princesses too. It was all real. And the romantic comedies we watched as teenagers and dreamed to explore all the crazy things like the characters on the screen. It was exciting! And I couldn’t wait to finally grow up and to experience all those adventures myself.

But in between of our busy schedules and lack of personal reflection, we somehow forgot what was that 'something' that made us sparkle in energy and motivation. What was that kept us thriving to the things that we hoped to experience? That inner source of power, that made our faces glow.

Have you ever heard the sentence "adults are borning". Yes, that what I used to say too as a kid, until things got real for me as well, and I suppose, I become one myself. It’s not that we are different people as we grow up to be adults. It’s just something that we forget, the inner child within us. And with that, a part of us falls asleep. And sometimes we take life decisions that make sense to our adult-self, and sometimes the ones that don’t feel right.

But, to realize that there is so much more. So much that you have known before, that you have dreamed of for your life and future, but in some point, forgot. Gave up in a way. It’s not that we have lost this belief completely. But we’re just asleep. Passing by day to day. Not contributing any real value to ourselves. Not having a real belief to our dreams and to ourselves, and not giving hope for the thing that once was our source of power, the source of energy, the source of motivation.

And sometimes, we just need to stop. And say woah, and realize all what we’ve ready accomplished. How far we’ve come.

It’s easy sometimes to forget to put ourselves first. But only by investing in yourself, you have something to give to the others and to the world. It’s our most important job to take care of ourselves first. We need to learn how to ‘walk’ again. To do the thing that excites us. The things that make us wake up in the morning with joy and excitement. To heal our soul with authentic, true laughter that shakes through our core till the skin cells. To find the source within, to truly feel alive.

I think, to come to understand how to live life to the fullest, we would need to take a look and ask this first - what are the times in your life when you truly felt alive?

As I thought about this question, many things came to my mind. Few of them I wrote down here:

✴ Having deep, meaningful, raw and honest conversations

✴ The time I stayed up until the sunrise.

✴ The time I made friends with a total stranger on a plane.

✴ The time I went to an amusement park with my best girl-friends.

✴ The time I climbed up a cliff in an oasis in Oman and was so scared to jump to the water, but did it anyway.

✴ The time I made best friends with someone in a completely different culture.

✴The time that I had my first kiss with my now fiancé and all the emotions of love consumed me until I was completely high.

✴ The time we camped on the beach and all the mountain behind our tent sparkled in fireflies in the dark.

✴ The time I traveled alone.

I suppose what I want to say is, our inner child is alive - waiting for us to remember. Waiting for us to wake up. To laugh more, and smile more and go on adventures. To be excited, to believe. And to fall in love with the music and smells and life and friends and all that surrounds us. Everything is possible.

To end this inner discussion I had in my head and now am sharing with you in this blog post, I’d like to finish with one of my favorite quotes. With all the love, M.

Don’t allow your life to just be fine. Or okay. Or even good. Make it brilliant, spectacular, wild, extraordinary. Fill with excitement and adventure, be passionate and fearless, search for freedom and opportunity. You only get one life, so make it count. Make it mean something. Make it yours.

❤

To Be Alive

Project: Wedding planning

Living together with him is the best. Honestly, we have so much fun together, I couldn’t imagine what else could make me happier than living with him. We just fit.

As a kid, I remember that marriage didn’t make much sense to me. I sat in the car with my dad and I remember telling him: I don’t ever want to get married. ‘Why?’ he asked. ’There’s no meaning in this piece of paper.’

I came as an exchange student to Izmir. He studied in the same Uni and was the president of a student organization ISN there. So after we first briefly met, my first idea of him was ‘that guy on the stage from the introduction week’. That was all. Me and my Estonian roommate Ketly didn’t remember his name at first, so we just called him ‘the President’.

But when we started to talk, our conversations had no end.

He is the most liveliest, vibrant person I know. He also has the kindest heart. When in Barcelona eating in a restaurant watching through the window, we saw a homeless man sleeping in the bus station. He took some food and went outside to give it to him. ‘Maybe he was hungry. I can’t fix his problems, but maybe I can make this evening a little better for him’ he said. These moments just make my heart melt.

I didn't know him yet. But I remember seeing him on that one event, speaking with people, and thinking okay. This is the type of personality that I would marry with. If anyone, this is it. I didn’t mean that he would be the actual person. I just saw him and thought that someone like him could be someone for me. So I even called my close friend Kiran to tell him that you know, I found the personality type of my future husband. :D

But little did I know that exact same person would be my boyfriend later on.

We started to talk about marriage at some point. As my own surprise too, I was the one who actually opened that conversation. I said that I think we should get married. Soon. When we are young. We can still look good on photos! He was surprised at first. But talking more, it made sense to us. For the first time, it made sense to me, too.

We were traveling in Indonesia. I was sleeping in the car on our way from Canngu to Ubud. Or that’s what I thought. I woke up when the car stopped. We had arrived. All green. Rice fields, palm trees, papaya trees, all sorts of flowers. They served us fresh papaya juice and sat us down to this little house. I was quite confused since I expected to see more of a city-like place, I asked how many houses they have there. Made (our local host) said that 2. “But only one bamboo house. The bamboo house is only for you.”

“Did we book a bamboo house??” I asked Emrah. After all, we booked so many different accommodations, maybe I just didn’t remember?

“I guess,” he said.

Made takes us to the house. We go down the stairs and further from the little house. Until we stand in front of it. A massive, breathtaking bamboo house. Made kindly walks us through the house. And I am just thinking whattt where are we? It is so beautiful! “We are not actually in Ubud. We are 1,5 hours away in a remote area. I brought you here as a surprise!” Emrah said.

Omg what really what?

I am not saying anything, just walking with him and Made to the second floor. The house is gorgeous. High ceilings, everything we see is made out of bamboo. The view is glorious. My heart jumps.

After dropping our things, we go for a quick swim in an ice-cold pool and later take a hot shower. I stay at the shower for long. The bathroom has no roof, so you can see the sun and at night the starts above.

Emrah said that Made will prepare us a dinner and it’s a nice place to take pictures too. I agree as I love picture taking. He went out to talk with Made. I am alone. I put on my red dress. I kind of suspect that something is up. So I don’t ask any questions. Putting make-up on, my hands shake. I am so nervous. Is this the moment? I can’t get my liner line right. Shit. I keep messing it up. My hands are shaking too much.

“Maybe the house was the surprise itself. Don’t think too much. We will have great pictures at the dinner” I think to myself.

Made comes with his daughters, bringing us food decorated with flowers, to our house. Served on the most beautiful, colorful plates. They bring a lot of lanterns which hold the candles. Magic.

Emrah is opening the wine in the kitchen and almost drops it. The girls giggle. He is nervous too. After placing the plates the girls leave. We eat 2 bites of rice and he tells me some stories, but we are too nervous so I can’t even remember what he said.

I just ate something extra spicy. Ooh, it's burning! He stands up and finishes his glass of wine. Made is still with us.

I can’t stop smiling. I’m laughing from joy. The first thing I saw was the box. ‘OMG what a beautiful box!’ I said! I am just laughing, is this real life? Yes!

He slips the sparkly ring to my finger. It’s a perfect fit. How is it even possible? It is a perfect fit. And the ring is just perfect too.

Light pink stone called tourmaline in the middle, surrounded with little diamonds, is decorating my hand. What a clever solution not to have a diamond ring, but have diamonds on it nevertheless. I think it’s the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen.